Yeah, finally on my own... I feel so peaceful right now. It is so weird but this place is so calm! No noise, no people interrupting my tranquility, and no problems disturbing my peace... everything static, as if the whole world paused.
I am now sitting in a very small room, what brought me here? It's a long story... I don't want to bore you with. It's a room with: Height 1M and a half, Length 1M, and Width ummmm... about 67 C.M. I wish I had a meter measure to make sure I got the right figures, yeah it's strange how I know measures, that's because I used to be good in physics, I wanted to be an engineer, but thank God... I would've spent 5 years in college rather than just 4. But we still don't know if my measures are correct! To make it easier for you, it's a room much smaller than a grave... have you even been inside one? Yeah I thought so, then you can imagine how small the rave could be... right? Yeah that's great, so this room is smaller than what you've imagined, I hope that helped... Anyway I am sitting in that room and I don't feel being in a grave, it's just an example for you to imagine the size not more. On the contrary I am in a very peaceful mood as I told you.
So after I sat in that room... I had the chance to leave, but i didn't! For some reason I wanted to stay in this void for a while. So I got this blank piece of paper from my pocket, and the pen too, and started to write those words. I always keep a pen and paper with me everywhere. But why am I writing now, and why i just don't go? I actually don't know, there is some sort of magnet which attracted an unknown part of me, and forced me to stay with my own will and consciousness... wow! There is something about this small room, if there would be someone with me, a woman, only one, the room won't fit more, it would've been fantastic... but it was not about sex. For me sex lost its pleasure a long time ago... it doesn't seduce me much. But there was something else... I don't know it, I'm just thinking with you.
Maybe because it's a place where you can see yourself, like a mirror... but mirrors are kind of fake, they just make us see our physical appearance not us from the inside. This is a different mirror... you see yourself with no problems, no people, no goals, no dreams... static is the word... you see yourself as you are... yeah maybe so!
I know now if I come out, I will find everything the same... so I'm not in a hurry, let me have some break... maybe I got bored so I am enjoying the choice of being alone now... I don't know really... Do you? Have you ever been in a box before?? .....
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I wish I could swim in space, take a step closer towards the bright stars, have a chance to see more ones with different colors. Swim more till I dive between the shining ones and discover my way through... To have a chance to see other worlds, breath other air, and speak other languages... I want to love more people, and more creatures... to swim without feeling tired, and if I do, then I would surely have some rest till I find you, and take you to the places i've been to by my own... to show you the heart I drew with my name there, but yours missing... And have a chance to finally hold you hands and swim together, between the bubbles, from one to another, with our hearts packed together... In a place where we need no watches to tell us the time, and no worries to take away our smile... In a place high above, far from this land, but I can feel it as if I could see it... even though my imagination is uncomparable to the real place, but simply attached to this only real dream... Just hold on, wait for me, for thou I am on my way... Just pray for me to be from the ones covered by God's Mercy...