Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Where Am I…
The sky was transparently clear revealing the floating objects in space from between its endless darkness. The dispersed twinkles of the spherical stars were so bright through that magnanimous twilight... The moon artistically added a touch of matchless beauty to such a spectacular night. That young man sat on the shore, all alone, his mind loaded with all his thoughts, problems and memories. He came to that concealed place to rest from the rest of the world, to just enjoy those few moments of meditative thinking while listening to the wave sounds calling. He looked at the sky as a lost sailor seeking his way back home, to have the chance to touch his own land once again. He was not vanished away from his land, on the contrary; he was walking on it, breathing its loamy air, and eating from its blessed soil. He only looked around and wondered how things had been different!
He started collecting the few stones from underneath his feet. He threw them one by one while watching the ripples caused by their attraction towards the gravity forces. With each stone he remembered a specific reminiscence, and some good situations; that were just flipping away from his life. He threw the biggest one among the rest, which was the last too. With its launch he remembered his substantial loss. It was not money or fame, but something rather more profound, it was a living part of his flying spirit.
He nostalgically remembered being a child and playing innocently with his alike purity; his friends and cousins. Life was so simple those days, then when people grow up they say, “The world has become a very monstrous place to live in!” They claim that life had changed so much since they were young, but he deemed, “Maybe people are the ones who change, not life itself!” His life slipped between the rays of the fast changing world he witnessed. The changes were not only considered as businesswise but there were other aspects changing too; principles, regulations, thoughts, habits, and even desires. Everything is changing on Earth, but the invisible rules have always been the same! People had to dramatically change to cope with those aspects of current changes that had become part of our nature. But the continuous change made people start losing their main identity. Sometimes he would think about the ones he knew, and how fast the world changed their stability to fluidity. He was not against change, but it was always about the direction of change. He usually thought about the ones who were blindly affected by these transformations, and he was sure that some of them he didn't even recognize anymore! It was not about the way one talked or the way one dressed, but about the core of the personality which discriminates one person from another. People may seem now the same as everyone, but to him, he still memorized the true shapes of their hearts. Disregarding all those changes, he believed that there was this unique small part inside them still remaining, but they just forgot about it. The young man was dreadfully afraid witnessing the change of his own core too, and be unrecognized among the rest. He always coped with the positive changes around him, but would he be able to keep his identity! He thought, “Home… How far is it? Are they days or miles that are keeping us away?!”
He watched the stone, while distantly dwindling in his sight till it penetrated the sea level, and was swallowed by its dusky darkness. He imagined the view of the stone sinking till it reached its limit by hitting the sea bottom. He wondered, “If I dive into the sea now, will I be able to find this distinctive stone!”
He sighed deeply while plodding, deciding not to be so pessimistic regarding life. “Everything is going just fine,” as he always comforted and braced himself. He was thinking not only of his personal life but of others' too; thinking how much he genuinely loved them and how much he wanted them to enjoy this rare moment with him, while forgetting about all their routines. But yet he knew that this would be difficult to happen because life is never that easy. He wished he wouldn't be alone in that particular moment. Because of his love to those close ones, he wanted them to share this seldom moment and this unique view with him. But sometimes one has to face veracity. He did! He knew that sometimes simple dreams like these could be so close to the heart, but so far from reality. Instead, he had some natural gifts which vividly helped him so much! While he remembered his beloved ones, he imagined them being with him, and pictured their faces smiling towards his. Even if in reality they actually weren't there in that remarkable place but he just longed to share those rare meanings with their souls. He wanted to speak, and reveal his true feelings towards them but he had the jitters that they wouldn't share with him the same strong approach. How tough he saw life, how complicated, and how simple he ventured it!
From time to time he used to think about the forgotten meanings of the pure love; which lost its track from between those obfuscating rays of life. He yearningly considered the compassionate idea as any soul is always searching for its inaccessible shelter. This was one of those days, where he was surrounded by unseen romance spinning around his tender heart. Life can be so cold, and hearts can be frozen, but for sure there is a source of fervent heat somewhere! He was imagining when he would find a girl who could embolden him through his life, capture him before he too would freeze, protect his threatened identity, and help him so that their dream would come true. But then he told himself, “These are just dreams that I hope they would come true.”
The few minutes he spent ruminating in that place made him feel so free… He looked at the transparency of the dark space. He knew there were much more floating objects than the ones he was already observing. He knew that imagining the unseen ones would surely raise his intelligent awareness towards the concealed authenticity of reality. But those graceful moments passed so fast. He had to go and leave the beautiful scene, and the beautiful dream. He had to go home for a trance sleep, because he had so many abridge chores the next day. He covered his body, feeling the smoothness of the blankets, and the tenderness of his limpidness. He asked God for peace as he closed his eyes trying to lock away his undefeated problems.
Even when he slept, his mind couldn't rest, recalling what happened to him every single day through his life.
The mind is like a door, a thought is like a guest…
It visits the mind… for a while then it leaves…
Let the door open for the desired guests..
On the morrow, he woke up with an optimistic spirit, searching for clues in that sunny day. He anticipated it as he usually did hoping it would be better than the previous one. Problems of life and all the struggling makes a person busy and maybe selfish but not with that young man. He always considered others' feelings while sometimes he couldn't find anyone to share his own entrapped feelings with. He didn't know whom to trust, even the few ones he did; it was not his intention to hassle them.
He wished he had someone to feel entirely secure with, all over his life, he always wished to meet her soon. Imagining how her loveable eyes would look like... Eyes say much about the past and future of a person.
He lived for a specific aim; he needed this love to help him go on with his journey, like a stick which supports an old man along his distant walk. He wanted to share with her the hidden splendor of the world that others didn't see, or didn't want to see!
He was unaided, with nobody to share his precious feelings with. Some people consider a certain book as their "best friend", but he in that particular moment he considered a blank piece of paper and a pen, as a sincere close pal. He sat all alone in his room, imagining how his adorable fairy would look like. “Why not!” he thought, “Why not dream for a while…?” Maybe when he would know about her, he would be able to sculpture his existence, to fit her hollowness; through making the right choices. So that when he would meet her in the future, he would be totally ready… for a thrilling adventure along with a desired companion, that's how he defined life.
He envisaged every detail in her; from head to toe, from the color of her hair to the shape of her nails, and from the warmth of her blood to the luminosity of her spirit. He scrutinized the vagueness of her anonymous beauty. He started living what he saw, and pouring what he felt… all expressed in the simplest instruments; a paper, a pen, and just a few words…
I walked alone, looked around... I saw no crowd. I met her through the dark, in the narrow alley of my life. I heard her footsteps breaking the silence of my lost soul. I couldn't see her, but I heard her mind speaking, and felt her heart touching my feelings. Her wisdom captured my attention. I anticipated the way she talked and how she sought perfection. I opened my understandings and enjoyed the moment. Then after all those magical feelings that I have been through, I saw her mortal body appearing from between the darkness... and I knew she was a piece of art, a gift from up above, a bless from God, but who would have all that honor!
He took parcels of breath, while closing his eyes and living in that notable dream. “How could our imagination just slip us away from our problems!” he wondered thoughtfully, “Why do our imagination exist!?”
He read his firstly unprecedented prose, and was astonished from his words. As if someone else wrote it rather than himself, but it just came straight from his spirit. He read it several times, repeated the words and heard their echo filling the cavity of his self. Then put the manuscript in an envelope to vouchsafe it to the one he would fall in love with. He sealed the letter, promised not to open it again, and locked those words inside his lively pumping heart.
However, these days he was down, attacked by his own demons and started to feel dejection taking control. His imagination was gone and he had to encounter the dark side of reality. He was passing through the unknown; a new phase of his life. Whereas life turned into a notorious monster brusquely hunting him down. All of that was because he started to think in a different yet singular way, discovering new riddles he had never noticed before. They were all things regarding the dense philosophy of life. His childhood days were over a long time ago, but would always be kept in his heart as an unrivaled souvenir. He had been suspended for years between those true memories and bewildered life not knowing the details. Who he was in the eyes of the world, and who he was in his own eyes too! Where he was living and where he was heading to! He just lived a normal life like the rest around him did, but suddenly for an unknown reason, he realized that things should be different. It was a sudden wakeup call; the one that comes mainly once in a life time. After he finally started to wake up and comprehend a little bit more about life, his enemies started to find him, and thus the battle started. The demons gathered around him with anger, they wanted to block him from the truth he started to discover. He became really sick and feeble. He dismally doddered around to his school with all this pain pulling him back. He thought about his extreme health which was on its way down, his bright face blotting dark, and his magnificent smile turning into a severe frown. Forlornness furled around the remaining light of his spirit dimming it with its outrageous shades. He felt like an innocent prisoner swathed by barbed metal chains. Which were like a single noose, that unwittingly tightens the more one struggles for freedom. But at some point it sure got to be torn! However, what are the odds for that to happen? Whenever he tried to release his limbs, more blood flooded from his living flesh. But he still dogged for his liberty, even though his strenuous muscles were semi-paralyzed. But the extraordinary secret behind his power was that he never gave up trying! He looked at the sky and wondered about all that sorrow, “Why?” was always the repeated word inside his thoughts.
The ones he saw everyday didn't seem to care much about his weaknesses or his dreams. He screamed so loud in order to be heard, but his voice was not loud enough or maybe the others were deaf. The chains were too tough to handle, and the endured amount of pain exceeded his anger. The dark room he was lost in, his life, had extended to a much wider one. He screamed louder, but he couldn't even hear the sound of his own echo. He suddenly admitted that he was alone, thrown in a hole of fire with no source of rescue or help. He knew that there was nobody listening to him but God. It was probably a test for him. Life is full of tests and some are dauntingly durable.
Between the scalding flames around, the young man rummaged for a way out. He endured his loss of health and lack of supportive emotions. He was so mulish that his demons attacked him even in his sallow nightmares, seeing their evil faces, hearing the atrocity of their garbled lures, and even feeling their hefty fists upon his body. But yet he never yielded. He knew that reality was so valuable to give up upon losing it. Throughout history; scientists had been killed, leaders had suffered, and others had walked to spread the vaccines of the inexorable life… all for knowing part of one truthful fact in a world full of darkness and devoting their lives for such a cavernous aim. He hanged up with the heavy breathes he got left to what he believed in. Till one day, while he was walking, he saw a vision that may seem normal to others; at least it could occur to anybody, and at any time. But to him the situation wasn't an ordinary one. He always liked to translate things to his own language. He believed that: “Everything which happens in our lives has a bigger and much higher motive, only if we think more deeply about it!” An old man was grappling with a younger one; he found out that the old man was just defending his dignity. They were mostly shouting but that old man was fighting for his rights. Our young man observed and triggered serenity by calming him down after it was over. The old man gazed deep into his eyes which seemed familiar, and told him that he was sixty years old and yet struggling and carrying his heavy material on his strong old shoulders, and never cared about what others had to say about him. The young man walked away and thought about what had just happened! He was smart. He deciphered the message and figured out an important clue which was hiding. He briskly rushed asking for a pen, fetched one of the business cards from his wallet, and on the back of it he gingerly wrote his first quote: (Your beliefs are more important than their opinions …!) He believed that this instant happened for a significant reason. Maybe it was a guide to him and a proof that he was walking in the right path? Although that path seemed dark and confusing because the people around him didn't understand his notions, since he was different… or maybe they were the ones who were different! But this situation arose at the right time. It gave him a strong reason to go on with his journey and wrestle back his hallucinations. What he had been through was the worst feeling that one could get; being undermined by the whole atmosphere around. And all for making their united dreams come true. Maybe they couldn't accept their own reality that they gave up too soon on this dream… or maybe it was the feeling of envy which hooked their hearts into the infernal fist of those who know no mercy; the diabolic demons. From the ones around him; he felt useless, unappreciated, abandoned and defeated. What bothered him the most was the unexpected source for all those repulsive feelings. The unexpected persons, whom he was always trying to help, were the ones who didn't believe in him. They believed in his deep message as words spoken in fairytales, not as dreams that will turn into facts. On the other hand, this unjust combination of feelings was companioned by another guest; it was the desired one! Such ambivalent feelings exist to poise the self, only if being verily perceived. He found himself fetching the card he wrote on minutes ago from his pocket and writing another sentence, another quote: (The best moments one can live, is when the whole world is against you… but God is on your side!) He felt some kind of abnormal power peculiarly quivering his body for the first time. His heart tremor was just a minor start after sensing the meanings of those words. This moment he thought about the impact of writing on the angst-ridden humanity, and its hungry need for the right rare meanings that had been atypically lost for a while. That's what he felt when he received the terrestrial message which came straight from the sky. It was the contradicting feeling to the cruelness of life; the feeling which always visits some chosen humans and stay in their hearts. He felt that all the mortal creatures were conspiring against him, yet he got "The Alive" vindicating him through His divine thaumaturgies. The young man knew the burden he had to carry and the unrecognized level of importance he secretly got. He concluded that a tough future was waiting for him. He also knew that those kind of cached missions were the only ones which tended to be special in such a way. When this chosen one ascends to a higher miraculous level, the rendering grows as well as the degree of humbleness. He prayed to God while feeling the existence of the new adversaries awaiting him. He prayed to God with all His greatness to reinforce him by heroic knights and good jinn to serve his esoteric message, by one princess which could heal his wounds for fighting other battles, and by the invisible angels who always protected this chosen kind of cognoscenti… the angels he always read about in holly books. He couldn't remember much recent stories about their miraculous invisible appearance which had been always there through the impacts of their actions. Maybe ages ago people were more attached to what they believed in; they deserved having those guardian angels around them through their purity. Now, the torrent amount of accumulated pollution prevailed over the remaining drops of purity, and extended over from inside and around us, but such scarce yet dense drops would never evaporate. He instantly added another sentence in the remaining blank space, while filing the plain color of the card with his wavy handwriting which sculptured his perceived understandings for the reality around: (It's not just about having the power to write and speak, but owning the cavernous one to be listened to…) He was not being heard yet by others… but at least he was able to find some questions which may lead to answers. It thrilled him, the unknown source that provided him by all these sudden fountains of different philosophical attributes. Where did it come from; this enlightening? How could an earthed talent tend to be simply exposed to its treasure owner in a trice of time, and out of nowhere…? Maybe God had accepted his prayer and influenced his heart to speak the untouchable truth, to show others a diaphanous path where one's feet could walk on air… The young man stood like a curious child losing control in front of the increasing number of signs he was observing; it was this invisible path which carried his struggling footsteps upon its unseen stairs, ascending him to an unseen level of wisdom which helps one to wield knowledge with the right moves, and towards the right magnitude. The more he walked in this path, the more he was emboldened by such omens… which pacified the flames surrounding his life by its scanty cold drops. Life is full of signs that some people don't even notice. But our young man traced them all, to be able to solve the mystery of his own life and the misery of others.
My First Novel, "A Journey from Darkness to Light"..
I started writing this book right after being enigmatically influenced by its idea, this was in the winter of 2006. I wrote the first edition which was about 58 pages, and was published in "Manshat El-Ma3aref" publishing house in Alexandria. It witnessed a Great success compared to the few target market and readers in Alexandria. It was a talent, and now it have become a profession. I re-wrote the book several times, and now it expanded into 6 chapters, and about 175 pages.
I wanted to share it with you, since people have been asking me to reveal the novel Edition, and since I am still searching for a suitable publisher who can expand it to a wider range of smart readers. On my Blog, you will find the first 40 pages of the original Book. I hope you enjoy every corner of it, and contact me...
"With the permanent memory of those who had passed this world, the young man was miraculously led by the universe to unite with his same kind... it was destiny which united him with a special place he used to go with his deceased father, with the nostalgia of all the pure childhood feelings, and his spirit seeking the real beauty, she was there... his true love… looking deep into his eyes, capturing the sundered pieces of his heart, and bringing him the keys to lots of buried secrets in that place of memories.
From between the internal psychology of a human being and the external life philosophy, the young man walked, upon a terrestrial Earth, and under the blessed Heavens... he wondered in a world full of scattered colors and directions, with a small walk in search of reality, and a few seconds of truthfulness... secrets had been revealed, and new paths were there, visible to his kind...
Lost between the lights and shadows, the young man kept struggling seeking reality in world full of illusions, seeking his lost innocence back… The more he learned about his internal self, the more he understood the movements of the universe around. Through his fierce life he found love, through its dullness he found guidance... and most of all, through his journey, light was born throughout the darkness of life…"